I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
