Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
