I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
