Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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