Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
