she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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