why didn't you poke me back
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
