I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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