And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
