I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
