Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
After tacos, we're chasing women.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
