you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
