At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
