I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
