HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
