i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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