I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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