I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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