I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
