Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
