when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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