Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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