you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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