I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
