So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
