Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
