just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
