How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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