i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
17 year olds will be the death of me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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