Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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