Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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