are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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