I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
