I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
