my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
