Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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