I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
