just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
