I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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