East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
