what day is it and did you see me today?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All the doctor said was why
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
