if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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