It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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