He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
