his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
