Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
pop tarts are not kleenex
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
