dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
