we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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