'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
