is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
