This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
