I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
