I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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