It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
