Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
